when we start off young in high school, college and soon after –we have no walls. we have a mind of freedom. we don’t see rules and boundaries. we only see what is right in front of us and we go for it. we don’t think it through. we don’t wonder if this is the right thing to do. we just do it. that is the beauty of youth –no walls are up. you meet friends quickly and you just go with it. if a friend drops off –oh well –you are moving too fast to notice most of the time. and the ones that stick with you, they become your lifelong friends. it is a simple, easy process –that we don’t even have to think about –it just happens. you do have to work at it here and there-but a little loyalty goes a long way. 20 years later, you look at the friends you have and see who your best friends are –there are no questions. you can go months without seeing them and when you do –no biggie –falls right back to the place of youth. now–when you move to new places away from your old friends, you have to make new friends. this can be a bit harder than the old days because now you have built up some walls of protection around you — and you do question things more often and you do follow rules a bit more. this can make it even longer to become better friends with someone. you analyze shit more –never a good thing to do –but the walls in your mind push you to question and analyze every move. it is like riding a bike–you know how to make friends–but now you look to see what is around the corner –and this makes you pause, rather than a natural flow to the process. so –what do you do? you take it easy and do not stress over these trivial things. even though walls are there and things take longer –the natural flow will still occur. stop thinking and keep living.
Category: Life
forget the green grass
be grateful for what you have. stop wishing for what they have. look at what you have and see that what you have is great. you are lucky. yes, you have had some bad luck. yes, the path has not been all roses. yes, you did not strike it rich. yes, you are not the most popular person to everyone. yes, you have insecurities that drive you crazy. yes, you are not perfect. yes, you worry about what others think about you. yes, you want to please everyone. yes, you hate getting old and you hate seeing your kids getting old. but guess what? you have it pretty good. you are alive, you are still young enough where health issues are not a problem. you might be lucky enough to have a family. if you are, then this is the main reason to stop bitching and start thanking. be happy for the little things that you have and for the fleeting moments that you have with your family. cherish the nights with them, cherish the days with them. you have friends too –be happy for that. stop looking at the material world and saying “i want that”. you have everything you need already –be happy with that. tell your mind to stop. yes, you want more success and yes, you want more money –but it will all come if you are patient. stop thinking about how you want things to be and be happy with how things are. you can’t please everyone –so let them deal with that fact. just be happy –if you can.
routine
we all have it –you must have it. the daily routine of life is like a well-worn path that we follow every day. it keeps us sane, it keeps us out of trouble, it keeps us alive. we do it without thinking –we embrace each part of it. it is not a complete line every day –but small bits and pieces that we go to for comfort and sanity. it might be strongest in the morning –where you just follow along half asleep –or it might peak in the evening –pushing you towards sleep time. events of the day take us off the routine –and that is wanted and embraced as well -we don’t want to get bored to death. we do always get pulled back to parts of a routine –wake-up, shower, kids off, breakfast, coffee, emails –work -work -work -work –then go home, dinner, kids in bed, tv, read, sleep. we need these bits of routine after a long vacation too. you love vacation and getting out of routine –but then you long for that old routine –you don’t want to vacation all the time –you would get thrown off your course, you would fall out of moderation and into excess. you need routine, you need moderation to reach your goals, to get to the end of the road in one piece, to live longer, to help your kids. you need it, don’t deny it, embrace it!
being mean
i am beginning to believe that this is all part of human nature. we don’t want to be mean –it just happens. and most of the time it happens in our own mind –so the rest of the world doesn’t even hear us being mean or they rarely know that we are being mean. you see someone or hear someone saying something–and your mind quickly goes into action –and sometimes the thoughts that come into your mind are mean and critical thoughts about that person –it might even be “that was a stupid thing to do –what a dope”. but most of the time you don’t say it aloud. so the reality is we are all mean to other people at some point or another –and this is due to human nature and to your experiences in life. it could be as simple as bad manners. you were brought up with the best manners, for example, and you see someone chewing with their mouth open –and you immediately go to mean thoughts in your mind –but you do not say anything. this is the most common example of being mean –you say these mean thoughts in your mind and the only thing you need to worry about is your self-guilt for saying these things. you tell yourself–“don’t think those mean things about people –be a better person”. the 2nd phase is the hard one –where you think mean thoughts and then you say them aloud –immediately altering the image of yourself in the eyes of others. they start to think –“that is a mean person” –and thus your reputation as a mean person grows and you soon find yourself alone or hanging out with other mean people. this is the hardest thing to master –almost to the point of changing your personality a bit. if you are a hyper person like i am, then your mind races faster than your mouth and sometimes things slip out –because you want to make your comment right away –you often skip the part of making sure the comment is a good one to say aloud. i do this all the time–at least once a week–where i say a stupid comment and think to myself –oh, shit! –did i just say a mean comment aloud. but i have made some progress –i do find myself going through the comments in my mind and then skipping over them and not saying them aloud –knowing that they would hurt someone. but i am not out of the woods yet –it must come with older age –where patience sets in and you begin to understand that it is better to listen most of the time rather than speak all the time. each close call i have makes me think more about this process. i need to slow down a bit and have fewer missteps -i need to practice more.
the gut
is what it is all about. You live by it, you die by it. If your gut says do this or do that – then do it. The gut will not steer you wrong- it will steer you right. You must listen to the gut, it is the truth, it is the only truth in your life. If you don’t listen to your gut then you will make mistakes in life. Sometimes the gut can actually speak out of your mouth. You will feel something from the gut first and then you will speak the thought of the gut. When this happens, you know the gut is right and you must listen to exactly what you are saying because you are really saying this to yourself. And of course you know yourself better than anyone or anything. And if you don’t listen to what you are saying to yourself, then you might as well not listen to anything. The trick is getting in tune with your gut. You have to figure out when your gut is telling you something. It will always be there in the background of every feeling and every action in life and most of the time it doesn’t have to shout- you make the right choice without a wake up call. But then every so often, you need to be shouted at if something is not right – hey wake up and make a change because whatever you are doing is not cool with the gut, and if it is not cool with the gut, then you are in trouble- so listen to your gut and get out of trouble.
motivation
Money should not motivate you. You must want to do something because you like doing this something. This is where true motivation comes from –from doing something you like and want to do. This is how you will achieve what you want to achieve –whether it is a small something or big something –the motivation must be real and connected to your willingness to want to do this thing. It cannot come from wanting to reap the benefits of doing this thing. These things are not real –they are wishes of material objects –these are not the true motivators –these are only what comes from achieving something through true motivation. Do not motivate yourself to get these material things –only motivate yourself to achieve a task –and only do this because you like or want to do this –and that you like the feeling of succeeding when doing this task. It is only then that you will achieve everything you desire, including material objects. Get it?
it passes quickly
ok–listen to me very closely. and don’t put this in your cliché file. live in that moment –turn up the music, have a good laugh, take that first sip of beer or wine very slowly, look out across the ocean, stare at your kid’s face, squeeze those little arms a bit, take it in man, take it in very slowly. it all passes too quickly and before you know it — the game is over!
foot in mouth
you do it. i do it. we all do it. we insert the foot in the mouth quite often. i did it this weekend again! i said a rude comment in discussion with a good friend –not at them, but just probably not the right choice of words. i felt bad. then again, i am not sure that i offended the person –because nothing was said back to me. it was just my mind saying –whoa –shouldn’t have said that word. we can all be rude or crude once in awhile –it happens. apologize if we need to –and move on. it is what it is. it’s done. nothing you can do about it now. if you lose a friend, then probably not a true friend to begin with. you are who you are —but –you can think a bit more before inserting foot next time. this is the hardest thing to learn –don’t talk just to talk. keep your mouth closed –think –then talk. it is hard. it is almost impossible. you get on a conversation roll –then Boom! –you say something stupid. foot in mouth. you offended someone again! i am moving on from my comment this weekend. if they don’t like me –i’m sorry. it is what it is and i am who i am. take it or leave it.
smelling the roses
what is this all about? we all want to stop and smell the roses –but what does it really mean? we take time to pause while we are doing something fun –to register that moment in our minds –to try to soak it in and say –“this is what life is all about” —- yes–we can do this and we have done this –for the very point of saying to ourselves that we are stopping and smelling the roses –we want to grab that moment in time and hold onto it for as long as possible. like when we grab our little girl’s hand and we hold it tight –so that we can remember what it feels like to hold that little precious hand –because we know or some come to realize that every moment is fleeting –that we can stop and take in the moment, but it has to pass –it is inevitable that it will pass –that we can’t hold onto it forever. time goes on, people grow older –and all we have is that moment where we tried to stop and smell the roses –and the only reason we remember that moment is because we told ourselves that this was the moment where you stopped to remember. if we don’t stop –we go through life with the same moments –but we didn’t soak in the moment as long as we should have –but the moments are all gone soon and all we have left is a memory and the future. we can stop and smell, but we cannot take anything tangible with us. it is a strange dichotomy –like life and death. what is the point?
focus
when you run a race, you need to focus. you need to win the battle between your mind and your body. if you are not having a leisurely run and you are running to beat a certain time –then you must focus. you cannot look around at all the trees and houses –you cannot look at the spectators –you cannot look and admire the other runners –you must stay focused, you must think only about the run, you must think only about the next mile, you must think only about the bridge, you must think only about the finish, you must think only about the beer at the end. if you want to push your hardest and if you want to make your best effort –you must focus. you must keep your head down and only see the goal at the end –no stopping –keep going –and this precise focus will deliver you to your goal. this is the same for work –keep your head down and keep your focus –then your goal will be reached.