it is so simple to make this statement. but it is not so simple to make this phrase ring true. we all want to be happy. it is really the ultimate goal in life. if we are happy, then we are ok. if we are happy, then life is good. if we are happy, then we can make others happy around us. being happy is what it is all about. but so many people are not happy. people worry all the time. people suffer all the time. people are sick all the time. people get in trouble all the time. people fail all the time. people never reach their goals all the time. people are jealous all the time. people are envious all the time. people want more all the time. people think too much all the time. and all of these things do not cause happiness – they cause the opposite – sadness, confusion, insecurity, loneliness. so how can all of these people just be happy? the answer is simple. just be happy. that’s it. just be happy. it doesn’t matter if these negative things are happening – you can still be happy. you can look at yourself and you can look in the mirror and you can tell yourself to just be happy – it is that easy. and you can be happy. think about why these negative things don’t make you happy – and then throw all those thoughts away. you are alive and none of these bad things will make any difference at the end of the day. but what can make a difference is that you try to be happy every day. if you fall down, get up and smile. if you lose your job, wake up the next day and smile. if your worry about everything or some things – STOP! – worrying is a waste of time, literally. even if you are sick and don’t feel well – you can still be happy. being happy is a state of mind and you set your state of mind. set it to be happy no matter what else is going on and you will be surprised how those negative things will change. just be happy because that is the easiest choice you will make in life.
Author: tobycode
it is what it is
and it ain’t what it ain’t. this is an old expression that states the obvious, but it also makes everything so clear and so simple. it tells you what you already know – don’t fight reality, don’t fight your instinct, don’t fight your gut. you know deep down that whatever is happening is supposed to happen and there is nothing you can do about it. you must accept what is happening as reality and you must act based upon that acceptance. yes, you can still go on for awhile without facing the facts, perhaps waiting for people or things to change, but the odds are against changing reality. it is possible only if other elements of the equation change to create a new reality. other than that – it is what it is and you need to start accepting that fact – and you need to act on that fact instead of wasting time
limbo
limbo is ok. it is ok to be in limbo sometimes in life – in your job, with friends or family. it gives you time to reflect, to think, to plan for the next step. limbo is something that always happens in life to everyone at some stage. we keep going on a constant path, juggling all the things in life – our goal is to keep busy, to be productive, to strive for more, to gain more order in life, to understand more, to learn more, to experience more, to make mistakes, to learn from our mistakes, to be positive, to push harder, to have bad days, to have good days – and to be in limbo – long or short – we go into limbo in areas of our life. we get confused, we get out of sync, we get worried, we want to have routine back, we want to know what is next, we want to know what to expect each day, we don’t like limbo. but if you look at limbo as a good thing – as a thing to help us get through change, as a thing to help us understand who we are, as a thing to appreciate, as a time of reflection – then we can accept a state of limbo. but you must use limbo to prepare for the next organized phase. do not waste limbo. use limbo to your advantage to make the next stage better. limbo is good. embrace limbo like you should with all change. change will always come. limbo will sometimes come. embrace both and use them both to your advantage.
encouragement
what is needed every day in life? you need food, water, shelter and encouragement. how about encouragement? what is encouragement? who needs encouragement? the answer – it is one of the most important things that you need in life on a continuing basis. how different is your life if someone gives you encouragement every day or every few days or even every week – all of these scenarios create a huge difference in someone’s life. it is not something that you think about all the time. it is not something tangible that you can hold or see. it is something that you can hear. we all have insecurities even if we don’t verbalize them all the time. our job is to push back these insecurities and move forward to make progress and reach our goals. many times you can just do it on your own because you start to have experience and you just push through based on what you have done in the past. but, when you tell someone about a problem that you are having or a doubt that you have about doing something – how wonderful it is when someone tells you back – “don’t worry, you can do it – you will be ok” you know that deep down you can probably do it without hearing these words, but when you do hear these words, especially when you are looking for encouragement – it is a game changer and it keeps you going and it keeps you pushing for what you need to make things happen and keep things on track in your life. so what you can do is find that person that you see or talk to all the time and you can ask them for encouragement. make sure that it is someone that is true and honest – someone that always tells you the truth. this is the person that will help get you through life – no matter how strong and organized we seem on the surface – we all need encouragement all the time. you can give encouragement back as well – you need to help others too. next time you need encouragement – ask for it and next time someone asks you for encouragement – give it.
teens
as kids enter teens – you quickly start to see the attitude changes and the opportunity for parent/teen conflicts goes up 1000%. you are appalled by their behavior towards you – so you lash out at them – you yell more – you might even call them names without thinking. it happens fast and before you know it – you have acted rough towards them and you feel regretful immediately. you need to apologize to them quickly and keep telling them to care more for others, especially family. as you have heard forever – these are the trying times until they get older and start being nice again. you just need to take it slower – recognize that you are over-reacting – and be more patient. bite your tongue and don’t lash out as much – it will help avoid bad memories in the future.
insecurity is good
when you see people that seem so cool and calm on the surface, you wonder – how can they do that? one theory is that they are actually insecure beneath it all and don’t feel they have the right to be arrogant or obnoxious. this is a good thing. the feeling of insecurity can act as a protective blanket against yourself and the world. you feel insecure and so you don’t go into the world like you own it – you are more humble and kind and cautious. you still have fun, you still get wild, you still express yourself – but you don’t do it in a bad way. yes, this can prevent you from reaching your fullest potential because in order to do that sometimes you need to be an ass – you need to think you are the shit – you need to walk without a care of others – you need to shed your insecurities to grab the brass ring. but on the whole – having insecure feelings can keep you grounded and guessing – and thus keep you as a calm, caring person on the outside. yes, this is an unkind way to present the good image – a negative force on the inside producing a positive effect on the outside – the interior mindset setting the stage for the exterior appearance. it proves that we all need something to fear to keep us on the right path. in this respect, insecurity is useful and good – it makes you a better person in the eyes of the world – but it doesn’t help your peace of mind. there is always a price. if you see a jack-ass coming down the street, then you know he needs to be more insecure to help create a balance – as the jack-ass attitude will get you in more trouble than an insecure mind. interesting dynamic.
articulation
this is a problem that everyone has from time to time. our minds have the ability to go deep into complex thought, which is natural for the human brain. the brain allows us to wander down very complex paths of thought – but as we go down that path, we also try to explain each part of the concept that we are formulating – so that the exercise is not wasted – and can actually be used to help us understand these complex thoughts. the problem is the further we take the idea and the further we do down the path of thinking – we also start to lose our ability to articulate these thoughts in a understandable and meaningful way. basically, our minds go deeper than what we can fully comprehend sometimes – or even though we may comprehend the idea or thought – we have a hard time explaining these deeper thoughts (case in point right now – with me trying to explain this concept in writing). however, it is good to think deeper – and it is a must to keep pushing the boundaries of our minds especially when looking at all of the key questions of life. so, we should think deeper and we should try our best to articulate those thoughts to ourselves and to others because any progress or new realization is worth it. however, we need to invent a way to help us articulate our thoughts better. if not already being done on a higher level to solve large problems – we also need to bring this assistance to the masses
the talk
not including the “no premarital sex” path followed by some and just focusing on “the talk” that you give your teenagers – this is how it should go:
you want to be very clear and very blunt – and you want to definitely give it to them by 16 – when they start more serious dating. we all know what teens are capable of regardless of what they tell you. you want to tell them that things can happen and they need to be prepared – and they need to tell their parents the truth – to a certain extent – so everyone is on the same page and no mistakes are made. there comes a time when you realize time is going fast with your kids, especially when they hit 16 and approach 18. you have to give up the long held belief that nothing will happen until they are 18 and legally adults. things will happen before then and as they get closer and closer to 18, there is less and less you can do about it. so instead, be straight with them about the perils they could face and even advise them to take precautionary measures. reality is reality and it is what it is – no time to dance around the subject – get to the point and make an impact with your words.
familiarity
it does breed contempt – no doubt about it. this is another part of human nature that you cannot control. it is in all of us. even the people closest to us like family – we do not like everything about them – we can’t because no one is perfect and no one can meet every expectation you have. you like every part about them, but there is always one habit or behavior you dislike. the longer you know someone – the longer you are around someone – you will eventually find something that you do not like about them. this is not a bad thing – this is human nature and the “endless” march of time coming together. it is inevitable that this will occur. your best friend for 50 years – there is something you do not like about them. your spouse of 50 years – something that gets to you. your parents – eventually they get on your nerves – and you breed some contempt. as long as we know this is part of human nature – just like hate, love, war, jealousy, greed, kindness, etc – then we know it is a natural thing that is a part of who we are. it is ok if this happens but try to keep it in check or you might find yourself alone one day. just another thing we have to manage as we try to keep our grip and keep our place in society.
this world
this world we live in is amazing. this time we live in is amazing. yes – over population is occurring at a faster rate than any time in history and yes – we are speeding up the process of destroying the planet – and these are not good trends. but right now at this moment in time – if we look around – we see a world that is amazing – we see a world that is alive – we see a world that is primitive and modern at the same time – and definitely more primitive if we are looking back at this time 1000 years from now. when future generations look back at this time – they will still see a garden of eden – they will see abundant nature – they will see us roaming around a beautiful world filled with sunsets, sunrises, rainbows, wild animals, wild forests, open plains, remote mountains, islands, valleys. they will be envious of the world we lived in because their world will be completely different. it might be man made or resemble some aspect of our time and our world – but it will not be our time and it will not be our world. this is the time to be alive, to do things with our hands, to walk among true nature, to look into the sky, to see the clouds, to hear the birds, to touch the rivers and oceans. this world that seems modern is in fact still in a pure and true primitive state which keeps us close to nature – the original nature of this world. we should relish this moment, this time, this world – which will be around for our lifetime and for the next few generations. the world as a changed place in the future is inevitable – we can make adjustments, we can help slow progress and destruction – but in the end, it will never be this good again – to live in a natural, beautiful, alive world. don’t dwell too much on the daily problems of life and enjoy this world as much as you can.